Advice

[Pipes]

Ok. I'm looking at the big D. Any advice on how not to get screwed royally?

 

[shamous113]

I'm sorry to hear that. I've been thru it my self. IMHO the best advice is to find someone for mediation to sort things out it will keep the $ out of the lawyers pockets and in both of yours. I lucked out and my ex and I agreed to a process similar to this and we only paid $500 ea for the separation agreement and divorce. you need to be legally separated for 1 year and then You can file the divorce papers your self to save costs. if you want to shoot me a pm we can chat on the phone or over a beer. mmmmm beer!

 

[heath]

I did it over 25 yrs ago, I know things have changed but, get a good lawyer...a friend of a friend is going through it right now, along with domestic abuse, her against him...apparently there is a course or a one day thing that the court house offers to help navigate the system and the new laws...its free...

 

[nathan]

Damn pipes. I feel for ya bro.ive been there. The hardest thing I ever went through. My ex was a pshyco... no exaggeration. My divorce took five years.and I have custody of the kids. Got the dog and could stay in the house. My advice to you bro talk to her. Settle everything down the middle. Dont fight keep the lawyers out of it. By the time lawyers are done they get it all anyway.... I lost thousands of dollars to them took years to recover. I'm with a great girl now. Don't make your divorce ww3. Believe me bro.

 

[nathan]

All and all though pipes you know her better then anyone. Becareful and be smart. Don't let anger get the better of you.if things turn sour document everything and I mean everything. Keep a book. Lean on friends and family. Get out and do things... you got family in the tft too... sounds like a few of us have been there. I personally have 5 years experience I should have a lawyers degree... haha. Any u need to talk we are here brother

 

[Pipes]

Thanks. Worst part is I have a lawyer, and she told me that as soon as I leave..."Your Screwed". " Take the abuse, but if she hits you, or throws something at you, call the cops". Her words. I prefer to use "Police", as that's what I went to school for.

I've heard a lot of horror stories, but for every plan I have, I also have a back up plan...A what if plan. Even if she gets everything, I can dump my company and become an employee. Then she would still only be able to get 1/2 through garneshment. I'd be able to keep enough to live on... What if... And the aquarium is in my mom's garage, so she can't get that. Ha ha...

 

[nathan]

Thanks. Worst part is I have a lawyer, and she told me that as soon as I leave..."Your Screwed". " Take the abuse, but if she hits you, or throws something at you, call the cops". Her words. I prefer to use "Police", as that's what I went to school for.

I've heard a lot of horror stories, but for every plan I have, I also have a back up plan...A what if plan. Even if she gets everything, I can dump my company and become an employee. Then she would still only be able to get 1/2 through garneshment. I'd be able to keep enough to live on... What if... And the aquarium is in my mom's garage, so she can't get that. Ha ha...

Yes if you leave your screwed. Definitely call the cops if it's warranted. Then make a paper trail and get a peace bond put against her. Make a paper trail and document as much as you can. If things are bad follow your lawyers advice all the way bro

 

[Pipes]

I was told if it's the big "D". Get a lady lawyer. They know how to play hard ball with other women...and don't back down as easily.

Thanks for the support.

 

[TORX]

I was told if it's the big "D". Get a lady lawyer. They know how to play hard ball with other women...and don't back down as easily.

Thanks for the support.

Until she becomes sympathetic with your wife. Long story short, you are screwed either way. My dad went through it and got raped even though my mom made twice as much. Not trying to be harsh, just honest. I watched too many men get abused through the system. Made me almost swear off marriage, but I am giving it a go anyways.

 

[Pipes]

Sometimes we like to lump people together based on a category. I prefer to look at everyone as individuals. Some see men or women. Some see color of skin. Some see religion. I categorize people as "everyone" or "the ones I don't like". I prefer to judge others based on how they treat me, and try to stay out of the politics that make life less fun. Some of us reefers have great supportive wives/husbands. Some, like me, don't. It comes down to the choices we have made, and the choices we will make. We only live once.

 

[shamous113]

IMHO being pissed off and being angry are two completely different states of mind, being angry means you have a part in it being pissed off means your actions didn't contribute to it, that said its a very thin line between the two. keep your cool and the more you document the more ammo you have. Divorce is not the easy path out that our society makes it out to be this day and age.

 

[Nonuser]

If you have kids it's messy.

If not than easier.

I did mediation, you still require your own lawyer. Try to be accommodating (pretty hard at this point)

Appeal to her monetary side and explain she'll get more without lawyers and let her have any stuff she wants. Because it's only stuff. Get the legal separation and agreement drawn up.

I gave my ex at least 60% any stuff she wanted to a degree, but I never had a cant live without stuff mentality. We have a son together so it was rough dozen years until he turned eighteen.

I found that she like to fight and thrived on conflict, she still does but I found pushing back only caused more issues. Kindness but firmness goes a long way and silence is sometimes the only way to make someone listen.

Good luck, think of it as a new beginning and if you're like me in time your only regret is that you didn't end it sooner.

 

[shamous113]

defiantly look at possessions as just that they can be replaced your sanity can't. this is a new beginning and has shown you the behaviors that you are unwilling to tolerate and the ones that you can live with.

P.S. and when both parties feel like they've been screwed then it's probably a fair deal

 

[nathan]

Lots of awesome advice here pipes. .. the commonality here is keep a level head.... be smart ... and we are here for ya bro.

 

[Pipes]

I tried explaining to someone the other day how I feel...

1. Like the rock at the edge of the ocean. The waves pound on it (her emotional turmoil) constantly. I never know when I will crack, sink, or fall. the waves just keep coming...

2. (More people can relate to this one). Do you hate your job, boss, people you work with? Do you get a knot in your stomach every morning before you go to work? I get the knot when it's time to go home....

If you have kids it's messy.

If not than easier.

I did mediation, you still require your own lawyer. Try to be accommodating (pretty hard at this point)

Appeal to her monetary side and explain she'll get more without lawyers and let her have any stuff she wants. Because it's only stuff. Get the legal separation and agreement drawn up.

I gave my ex at least 60% any stuff she wanted to a degree, but I never had a cant live without stuff mentality. We have a son together so it was rough dozen years until he turned eighteen.

I found that she like to fight and thrived on conflict, she still does but I found pushing back only caused more issues. Kindness but firmness goes a long way and silence is sometimes the only way to make someone listen.

Good luck, think of it as a new beginning and if you're like me in time your only regret is that you didn't end it sooner.

I truly know what you mean by thriving on conflict.

 

[Pipes]

Thanks guys for the support. Starting to wonder when the Ban Hammer will fall...

 

[nathan]

Thanks guys for the support. Starting to wonder when the Ban Hammer will fall...

I can completely relate bro. It feels like death. I had the worst divorce of anyone I know . I drank to cope( obviously not the best idea) . The pain was unfathomable. But we get through. I came out on top met a great girl 12 Years ago and still together. Keep us up to date on what's going on. I know exactly how you feel. You wanna chat pm me.it helps to blow the steam.

 

[Bruce]

Sorry to hear about your situation man. Best of luck

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

 

[Pipes]

Should I start skimming now? Couple of towels, few rolls of TP, couple of tooth paste, some cans of beans.....little stuff....

BTW. I have known for a number of years I would come to this point someday. A few comments have come to light recently that were spoken behind my back, such as wagers as to how long I could stay married to her. Had I known then, what I've heard now, I never would have said "I do". I would have added a "n't" to that statement. But best thing I will never regret is my 3 boys. My world is a better place with them in it.

Thanks for the support. TFT family is great. Thanks guys & gals.

 

[Nonuser]

People tell you who they are, but we tend not to listen to them and believe that they're different then who they are.

Took me many years to realize that You can't change people, you can either accept who they are or start living life without them.